1. I put reviews off for a long time, because I feel like I totally suck at them and freak out about what to write. I'll finish a book, be like OMG I NEED TO TALK ABOUT THIS, but then psych myself out and think that my thoughts are inadequate, so I put off writing about whichever book I just finished. Then I panic later, write a half-assed-due-to-forgetting-most-of-my-thoughts review and am totally disappointed in myself.
2. I have so many ideas for different features on the blog, but am terrified that no one will read them, even though I know that doesn't really matter. It's what I want to talk about, but I then panic, thinking oh god, no one's gonna take me seriously.
3. To tie both of the above things into one confession: I totally feel inadequate as a blogger. I've been doing this for over two years now, but I don't feel like I'm part of the community yet, because I don't really have any close blogging friends that I talk to all the time, I don't have any publisher contacts, and I am just so shy, I don't know how to interact with other bloggers online, especially on twitter, without feeling like I'm making a fool out of myself.
4. I feel a lot of pressure from my family and friends to keep blogging. So many of them know about the blog and I'm so proud of it, but I feel like I can't really take an official break without them all breathing down my neck asking "why?! why!? WHY!?!?!?"
5. I'm scared to let that GFC counter go..... without it, I have no idea how to tell said family/friends how many followers I had/have-ish. I know that it's totally not accurate, but it sounds a lot better when I say, oh I have 900-whatever GFC subs, than: oh, I have no idea. I don't really keep track of my follower count, as I prefer the idea that it's more just a few friends reading my blog, no matter if I've never met them before, but the people in real life always want to know the numerical value of the blog, which totally makes me nervous, because I have no idea, and try not to focus on it. So I keep that little GFC widget up, just in case they need to know or something.
6. I'm terrified of moving to a self-hosted site. Or something non-Blogger. I just feel so safe in this little white and orange system, it's hard for me to think of anything else.
7. I'm terrible at replying to review requests. I get so overwhelmed by all of them piling up in my email, even when I have the little 'review requests are closed atm' thing up, so I just leave them unread, saying I'll get to them eventually, but NOPE.
8. I have so many blogging role models, especially Jamie, but I have no idea how to contact them and say 'hey, your blog is totally awesome and means a lot to me' without sounding super odd. I guess this post is basically me telling you that I'm super awkward and insecure and scared of a lot of things in this community.
9. I've never sent a review request to a publisher before, like in a legitimate email. It's definitely one of my biggest fears in general. (Can you say fear of rejection? Cause I can. Guys, I have a terrible fear of rejection and I need to get over it, but I don't know how.)
10. I think a lot about just leaving the blogosphere. When school gets overwhelming, or I'm stressed about my personal life, or I just don't feel like blogging, I think so much about how it would be just so much easier to just shut down the blog, shut down the twitter and facebook and bloglovin, etc. and just unplug from everything. But, even though I'm so scared of so many things in this community, I love it still and I want to be a part of it so badly, that I'd feel so terrible if I just gave up. And that's kind of my motto: never give up... so I'm not going to.
*phew* wow that was a lot to get off my chest. I did not think I was going to be able to confess all of those, but I guess if I'm gonna be getting out of my comfort zone, I should start with this, right? Even though I'm obviously nervous about a ton, I just wanted to say thank you from the bottom of my heart to all of you who read my blog, comment (and I'm so sorry for the lack of comments back..), and just plain support me on this bookish journey. It's been a long road, and it'll be a long road ahead, but it's worth it. It has to be.
Alrighty, did you get all confessional today? Leave me a link to your TTT this week or just comment below some of your bookish/blogging confessions!