I haven't blogged in a long time. It's been months since the last time I posted anything on here, but in reality, it's been closer to a year since I've really committed myself to this website and worked on posts, truly caring about what I was producing. I was able to give myself excuses like, "you're finishing high school! You're moving to a new city! You have a new job! You're in your first year of university! You're tired! You have homework!" and so many others similar to those, but honestly? No matter how true those excuses may have been, the biggest reason I haven't worked on this blog in so long is because I'm scared. I'm scared to commit to it again. I'm scared to commit myself to this world of book publishing, of writing, of being a part of the world I so love. Because here's the thing: for so many years, I've told myself and many others that I want to be an editor or work in the publishing business or just work with books in some way or another, but then, as I started getting close to high school graduation, as I moved to Ottawa and started my English degree, as I started meeting new people, becoming immersed in the world of politics... I questioned that dream a lot. I am nineteen years old and I have no idea what I want to do with my life and that is perfectly okay. Everyone in my life has always told me that I don't have to know what I want to do with the rest of my life at such a young age... I've been raised to know that questioning my career and my future is so completely normal. I've been raised to know that I can change my mind... but the thing is, I hate that unknowing. I hate the questioning, the fear, the instability. I'm graduating a year earlier than I am technically supposed to because of the fast track program I did in high school, so I have one year less than my peers to figure out what to do with my degree. Yeah, that scares me, but you know what? Even if I did have that extra year, I can't imagine I'd be much more secure in my plans for the future. Also, I do still have that dream of working in the publishing world... I keep telling everyone that I don't know where I'll end up after I graduate from my undergrad, but I know I want to move to Toronto and try to get my career started. I know that and I'm scared of that and that's okay. Maybe I do want to be an editor or maybe I actually do want to be a lawyer (which has been another choice on my mind for years) or maybe I actually want to do something completely different. Whatever it is, I'm done with being so scared of committing to something that I completely abandon this blog that I so love and worked so hard on for so long. The fact that I blog about books does not mean that I have to have a career in publishing.... I feel like I need to repeat that mantra to myself over and over again until I truly believe it. What I do know is that I miss reading and I miss talking about the books I read and I miss this community of nerdy, amazing, bookish people. I've missed out on a year of amazing book talk because of my fears and I'm done with that. So here we go. Kristy, you'd better not bail in two days on this, because that's just unacceptable.
I've missed you guys.