If we were having coffee... I'd tell you how I had my first ever official interview last night (Tuesday) for a seasonal position at Coles, the book store! It was so different from what I expected and I'm not too sure how well I did, but honestly? It was super fun and the girls I did it with were really sweet and we got along great, so if anything, the experience was one that I'll remember for a long time!
If we were having coffee... I'd mention how I was almost finished reading The Opposite of Loneliness by Marina Keegan and how it was exactly the book I needed to read at this point in my life, especially the title essay. I am so saddened by the fact that Marina is no longer here, but also so grateful that we are able to read her works. I find her stories and essays to be so profoundly moving and so aware of humanity... I'm blown away by her talent. And then I'd ask you to tell me all about what you're reading now?
If we were having coffee... I would say how I am really into non-fiction books at the moment. I also started Lena Dunham's recently released Not That Kind Of Girl and am in love with it so far. Reading it is like reading my thoughts or the thoughts of an older version of myself in a few years, which is strange, but also comforting. I never expected to enjoy books of essays and short stories as much as I am currently! Do you read much non-fiction?
If we were having coffee... I would ramble on about how overwhelmed I'm feeling lately and how much that scares me. I have the SAT coming up this Saturday (that's one of the reasons the blog's on mini-hiatus atm), I'm doing five courses this semester, I'm continuing to worry and think about university and where I want to go, as well as scholarships and all of the essays that come with both those and uni applications and all of the time that I had but wasted in the past. I'm terrified that I'm going to crash soon, so I'm reminding myself that breaks are okay and that I'm young, I have time, I'm only 17.
If we were having coffee... I'd mention on that note the realisations I've been coming to lately about time and age and how it feels like everything is catching up to me so quickly now; that everything is too late, that I don't have the years left to be that 'impressive young kid that did this awesome thing'. I've been realising that I need to take things as they come and at my own pace. I'm not a child prodigy on broadway at age 7 and I accepted that a long time ago. Now I need to accept the fact that I won't have my first book published before I'm 18 and. that's. okay. My future is filled with time to do the things I dream of, or so those who are older than me say, and yes I am worried and yes I am scared, but I am not at my expiry date quite yet. *knocks on wood*
If we were having coffee... I'd say how I'm having lots of cliché teenage worries about friendships and relationships and 'are these people really my friends?' which seems petty and useless in my head, but still hurts in my heart. I'd ask you if you're able to reason with yourself and let yourself feel the things you're feeling without over-analyzing things too often? I find it difficult to let myself be saddened about something such as losing a friendship, because there's so much more to think about, but I'm working on accepting and legitimizing my feelings and not bottling everything up until I explode.
If we were having coffee... I'd tell you how worried I am that I'm kidding myself into thinking that I'll make it in the publishing industry and how I wonder some days if I should stick with a safer, more reliable job, instead of going for my dreams, because what if I fail? I'm terrified that my writing won't be good enough to ever get published, that no person will ever want to read my stories, and that I'll end up working a job that makes me miserable. I know that I need to go for my dreams and work as hard as I can to make it, but it's so hard not to think terrible things that are discouraging and disheartening.
If we were having coffee... I'd thank you for listening and ask about your life, ask how you are. I'd tell you I've missed our little chats and catch ups and that I have so much more to say, so we'll have to do this again sometime. I'd clink our glasses together and give you a hug for letting me vent and worry and ramble to you.
How are you doing? What do you think of this type of post? I personally liked this, because there's so much I'd love to write about on here, but I don't want to ramble in so many posts about all my worries for the future, so a good little summary here works well. ;)